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Life Scholar • World Philosopher
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The Lord Said Come Forth
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth, and won a toaster instead. - Unknown
Buddha Orders A Hotdog
What did the Buddha say when he walked up to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything. - Unknown
Valentines Card Secret Admirer
For the past 20 years I've received a Valentines card from the same secret admirer. So I was pretty upset when I didn't get one this year. First my granny dies and now this. - Colm Flynn
Scrabble Words And Numbers
I hate scrabble. You think it's gonna be about the words, but it's just about the numbers. You think you're gonna be playing lagoon, and lambent, or soap. But it's all nu, pi, za, and xu. - Sometimes, Always, Never Movie
Parallel Lines Are Similar
Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet. - Unknown
Police In Small Towns
I wouldn't want to be a cop in a big city. I think the police have it way easier in small towns. Especially when it comes to investigating crimes. You know, in a big city crime can go unsolved for like 20 or 30 years. In a small town the police are there like "Can you describe the man who robbed ya?" Yeah, he was Dwyane. Go get him. - Brent Butt
A Penny For Your Thoughts
Why is it a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents in? Somebody's making a penny. - Steven Wright
Traffic Light Versus Banana
On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on and yellow means go ahead...And red means where the hell did you get that banana? - Mitch Hedberg
Moth Goes To A Podiatrist
A moth goes into a podiatrist's office, and the podiatrist says "What's the problem?"... - Norm Macdonald
Stay Free Doing It Anyway
The true freedom in this life is knowing you're cringe and doing it anyway. That guy is free. - Finding Emily Movie
Analyze And Advise Ideas
But if all of that isn't built on your own original ideas and truthful analysis, it doesn't mean anything. - The Whale Movie
- At this point in the course, I have given you all that I can in terms of structure, building a thesis, paragraph organization.
- But if all of that isn't built on your own original ideas and truthful analysis, it doesn't mean anything.
- Think about that, as you write and revise.
- Think about the truth of your argument.
Five Birds On A Fence
A teacher begins a class one day asking the question "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and one is shot, how many birds are left?"... - Eli's Dirty Jokes
Spiritual Values List
- Hopeful - Feeling what is wanted can be had or events will turn out for the best
- Grateful - Warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received; thankful
- Content - Satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else
- Present - Being, existing, or occurring at this time or now; current
- Positive - Emphasizing what is laudable, hopeful, or to the good; constructive
- Kind - Of a good or benevolent nature or disposition, as a person
Work Without The Spotlight
The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses, behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights. - Muhammad Ali
My Wife Is A Battleaxe
My wife is a battle-axe. I said to her 'Honey, I look in the mirror and all I see is a fat, ugly, old man, and I need you to give me a compliment.' She says 'Alright then, your eyesight is damn near perfect'. - Norm Macdonald
Get Started
Get started by doing something for just a couple of minutes, because just getting started can often be the hardest part of many habits, tasks, or things you want to work on or get done.
- If you have to write something, just write a sentence.
- Then get up, get some water, stretch.
- Pat yourself on the back for getting started!
- Now do a little more: write a few more sentences.
- Get up, take a mental break (don’t go to another website), do a few pushups.
- Go back, do a bit more.
- Pretty soon, you’re in the flow of it.
Find Out How Far You Can Go
Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. - T. S. Eliot
Shoot For The Moon
Shoot for the moon and if you miss you will still be among the stars. - Les Brown
Cultivate A Positive Environment
Cultivate a positive environment by reading and listening to more positive information and entertainment sources, and choosing to spend time around positive people.
- Who you choose to spend your time with and the input you get from further away like the TV, the internet and magazines will have a huge effect on your outlook.
- To be able to stay positive it is essential to have influences in your life that support you and lift you up instead of dragging you down.
- So carefully consider what you let into your mind.